HAPPY HOLIDAYS ?
(11/28/2008) By Joan Pingitore

The holiday season is fast approaching and it can be a time full of joy, cheer, parties and family gatherings. When I was a kid, I remember the happiness and excitement I felt around the holidays, it was endless magic. But in recent years, as an adult I’ve become aware of all the hard work that it takes to create this magic. Plus the stress and financial constraints that come with it, as I’m sure others know. You, like myself, may feel bogged down and even distressed sometimes. It certainly is a lot to expect of ourselves to make the holidays special- planning, buying, wrapping, and shipping the gifts, putting up decorations, cooking and baking, entertaining- all require extra time and work- which few of us feel we have to give. And all of these things also can be expensive. For many people this means increased debt and stress over paying bills. And while most feel it, but few would admit it, the holiday season can bring anxiety, longing, and even grief over lost loved ones. Especially with our recent tough economic times, we need to understand that we can be easier on ourselves and reduce our expectations a little.

Here are some helpful ideas I’ve found to help us stay grounded and to keep our expectations at a realistic level to help us from getting so overwhelmed during the holidays ~ from The National Mental Health Association ~

What Causes Holiday Blues?

Many factors can cause the “holiday blues”: over-commercialization, unrealistic expectations, financial limitations, loneliness, or the inability to be with one’s family and friends. The demands we put on ourselves also contribute to feelings of tension, stress, and fatigue. People may also develop other stress responses such as headaches, excessive drinking, over-eating and difficulty sleeping. Even more people experience post-holiday let down after January 1. This can result from disappointments during the preceding months compounded by the excess fatigue and stress.

Coping with Stress & Depression During the Holidays

Keep expectations for the holiday season manageable. Be realistic about what you can and cannot do. Pace yourself. Organize your time. Make a list and prioritize the important activities and duties and even reduce them where you can ~ simplify, and make it fun.
Understand that the holiday season does not banish reasons for feeling sad or lonely; there is room for these feelings to be present, even if the person chooses not to express them, and they are normal but will pass.

Leave “yesteryear” in the past and look toward the future. Life brings changes. Each season is different and can be enjoyed in its own way. You can celebrate the holidays in a new way and develop new traditions that make you happy.

Do something for someone else. Try volunteering some of your time to help others. It will make you feel better, and those less fortunate really need you.

Enjoy activities that are free, such as viewing holiday decorations, going window shopping, free holiday concerts or baking or making a snowman with children.
Be aware that excessive drinking will only increase your feelings of depression.

Spend time with supportive and caring people. Reach out and make new friends, or make an effort to contact someone you haven’t heard from in a while.

And take some time for yourself without feeling guilty, to relax and regenerate. Let others share in the responsibility of planning activities.

Here are some questions and answers from the American Psychological Association ~

Do Financial Pressures Stress People Out to the Point of Ruining the Holiday Spirit? Knowing your spending limit, and sticking to it, is also a way to relieve holiday stress. People believe that they have to go out and buy gifts because it’s the holidays, even if they can’t afford to do so. Not only is it stressful to feel that you have to buy everyone an expensive gift, but you’ll be stressed for the rest of the year trying to pay off your bills. Strive to avoid giving gifts out of guilt or duty, but give because they convey a sense of deep thoughtfulness and caring -often something you’ve made or something special that you can do for them.

How Does a Person Deal With the Holidays When He or She Has Just Experienced A Recent Tragedy, Death or Romantic Break-up? If you’re feeling really out of sorts because of a death or recent romantic break-up, you may want to avoid some of the festivities because they are so out of sync with how you’re feeling. Try to tell those around you what you really need since they may not know how to help you, and ask for their understanding if you decline an activity. But if you feel you need to be with others, make the extra effort to engage in the action. You’ll probably feel a lot better.
How Do You Cope With Kids Who Want Everything For The Holidays and Have No Sense of What Things Cost? Parents need to tell their children to be realistic. It is OK to say to your child that a certain toy is too expensive. And even Santa Claus has limited funds and has to choose what to give because he has a very long list. You can also tell your children that Mom and Dad and Santa Claus will try to choose the most suitable present for the child. Children have to learn that their wish is not someone’s command and to curb their desires for instant gratification. This is honesty and reality.
How Can You Deal With Continuing Family Problems During The Holidays? Being rational is the first step. If you have bad feelings about someone, try to politely avoid him or her and not make an issue of it but don’t pretend that all is well. This will enable you to feel true to yourself and be less stressed out.

What Are Some Good Coping Strategies? Don’t expect more of this time of year than of any other. Take a break from holiday music and television specials if you’re feeling overwhelmed. Most people dread the holidays because their inner experience is so different from what is being hyped. You should trust your own instincts and don’t try to be what you’re not.

Be aware that we all do the best that we can, and we need to be kinder to ourselves. Our children and friends will not love us any less if we don’t give them expensive gifts or parties. Think back to a simpler time and place and warm memories. Over-commercialization is destroying our true values, and we need to get away from this. Being with loved ones, giving to those less fortunate and sharing good food and fun, shouldn’t be the things that create more stress in our lives… if we understand the real meaning of giving, and keep our expectations more realistic and uncomplicated.

That’s why you really can have Happy Holidays, and there will be magic !

**Go to the Simple Living Network at www.simpleliving.net, to get many more useful ideas to make the holidays enjoyable for all.

“Every time we love, every time we give, it’s Christmas.” Dale Evans