Uncommon Courtesy
By Joan Pingatore (10/31/2008)

Even though we live in a fast-paced and stressful world, I still believe in the fundamental goodness of people. They are generally honest and try to do what’s best. This is what keeps humankind functioning. However, due to the hectic life we lead, we seem to be loosing sight of one of our most simple but important attributes ~ everyday common courtesy.

In my childhood, our parents always told us to be courteous, and it was a very necessary act in living everyday life. We were taught to be respectful of others and to be helpful to them whenever we could be. We were taught to be polite, not be pushy and to tolerate occasional small insolent acts. It was the right thing to do. It kept more peace in our lives, and kept things flowing more smoothly. It taught us to be patient - a quality that is forever invaluable. People seemed to be more contented when you were courteous to them… back then.

So… what has changed in the recent past? It seems that ‘common courtesy’ has become more ‘uncommon’. I decided to do a search on the web to see if others were noticing this lack of sensibility. I was stunned to see how many people have noticed the same problem… the seemingly endangered quality of courtesy. Here are a few examples ~

Have you noticed that people are always in a rush, and aren’t aware of what’s happening around them? They seem to forget about being courteous because they are too busy, wanting to get somewhere fast and first, wherever that may be. They push to be first in line, and they tailgate and drive aggressively in traffic, which can cause terrible accidents.

Many doctors have lost their common courtesy, making you wait an hour or more to see them, without even as little as an acknowledgement. Aren’t we important enough? And we can all relate to store personnel who seem to forget the reason they are working there is because of us, the customer. Sometimes they treat us like we are an inconvenience, not the person who pays for their salary.
What about those people who are always late? Promptness takes planning and consideration for the feelings of others. Promptness shows our family and friends the degree to which we cherish our relationships. What about gestures such as sending greeting cards and thank you notes to friends, and family? Are they gone?

Furthermore, many young people today seem to have a total disregard and lack of respect for others. How many children show a selfish sense of entitlement, lacking a sense of gratitude for what they have been given? How did this happen? Obviously, we have been too busy to teach them anything.
We need to stop this frantic pace of living which is causing people to become insensitive to others. It’s not making our lives any better to act this way, and it’s certainly not getting us any closer to our goals. We need to become more aware of the world around us and our connection and responsibility to it. In a new book, Stepping Out of the Bubble, author and nationally certified behavioral therapist, James P. Krehbiel, Ed.S., LPC, gives us some answers ~

“Demonstrating etiquette or good manners appears to have been lost in our current way of living. Little gestures like saying “thank you,” showing kindness to others and showing proper manners, need to be resurrected.

We need the kind of civility which requires us to think more about the needs of others than our own desires. That may involve taking on volunteer service, going out of our way for friends and family members, and supporting those who are grieving significant losses.

Our care and concern for others must not be conditional. It cannot be contingent upon others responses to our deeds. We need to learn to display concern for others because it is the right thing to do, not necessarily because others appreciate our efforts. We act with kindness because it is apart of our character, not because we assume others will value our efforts. We do it anyway, even if our efforts are not always appreciated.

As a society, we need to get back to the basics of kindness, rules of etiquette, sensitivity, and consideration for others. Many of us feel isolated due to a lack of connectedness. In this impersonal world, we must all strive to make us all feel more like a global family. We can accomplish this by showing the human touch rather than the automated and insensitive responses characteristic of our current culture.”

Fortunately it’s easy to give someone a simple pick-me-up. Try some of these straightforward courtesies and pass them on:

~ Don’t interrupt someone while they’re talking, no matter how insightful you think what you have to say is.
~ Hold a door open if someone is behind you, or even coming out ahead of you.
~ Say “thank you” with enthusiasm, even for the smallest kindness or transaction.
~ Show patience…. a few extra seconds of waiting won’t affect your life much.
~ Demonstrate sincerity, appreciation and gratitude for things others do for you, and for the valuable life you have…verbalize it, send it, email it.
~ Give respect to others, even those who you consider in a lesser position than you.
~ Don’t get angry when someone has ‘wronged’ you. Most people have good intentions, but make mistakes. Start the chain of kindness… it’s catchy.
~ Give courtesy and respect in your marriage. Treat your mate as someone special… it will pay off in the long run with true joy.
~ Treat your children with that same respect, and they will learn how to give it.
~ Relax when driving, give others a chance.
~ Learn to say “I’m sorry” and mean it.
~ Be respectful of other’s privacy, in all situations.
~ If you must confront someone, so do in a calm polite manner, it will accomplish more.
~ Look into someone’s eyes when speaking and make a connection.
~ Be helpful to strangers and the elderly.
~ Be on time.
~ Smile more…it will make you and others happy!

Perhaps, just that little change in attitudes may be what improves our humanity in the long run. And learning how to forgive and understand others for being less than perfect will make our lives richer. When you are courteous you can accomplish almost anything. People are nicer, they are more helpful, they cooperate more fully and even do extra things that they wouldn’t necessarily do. Plus, do you know that courtesy is also one of the best peacemakers?

Go ahead…make my day… and someone else’s too. Wouldn’t it make this world a much more pleasant place in which to live?

“All doors open to courtesy.” Thomas Fuller