Self-Empowerment
By Joan Pingatore (10/10/2008)

A few months ago, I wrote about forgiveness and how important it is to remove anger in our lives. However, some people are too forgiving even when they are constantly being taken advantage of. These people need to take some positive action for their dignity, self-respect and health and today I’d like to write more about this.

Webster’s Dictionary definition ~ em-pow-er ~ to give power or authority to, to give ability to, enable, or permit. Do you know that you can empower yourself? Did you know that you can give yourself authority and the ability to stand up to change something when you know it’s wrong? And you can enable your self-respect to honor what you believe in, even though you may be going against the mainstream. You can also permit your self-confidence to make decisions, and to take action when you know it is needed.

How do we identify if we don’t know how to empower ourselves?

Some people don’t know how to stand up for themselves ~ like when visiting the doctor they are afraid to question his judgment, even though they may not be comfortable with it. Or we will stand in extremely long check-out lines and complain to others around, but to nobody in authority. Sometimes we will let our co-workers, our parents, friends, spouse or children take advantage of us everyday and do nothing about it or even take abuse from these people without taking a stand against them. We can have many negative actions taken toward us, but do nothing to change them. Why do we feel we need to tolerate these actions? Or sometimes we don’t have the self-control to keep our lives and schedules organized, frantically running around, never seeming to get anywhere. Do you think we would like to change these things in our lives?

We can…by creating a goal of self-empowerment…and the first step is to realize that we don’t always need the constant approval of others. When you know in your heart that you’re making the right decision, you won’t need constant validation. According to author Gary Zukav, in the book Seat of the Soul, we need to have a belief in our “authentic” self, which allows us to use our “internal” power. This power allows us to have the strength to listen to what our own voice is telling us- in honesty, to make the best decisions and to take control where we need it.

When we understand empowerment, we realize that we are just as good as the next guy and that we deserve to be heard and to be treated fairly. When we understand that we are just as powerful as someone who is supposedly in a more ‘important’ role, we can stand up for ourselves. We need to realize that nobody is better than us. Just because they may have a higher paying job, have more material acquisitions, or be in a higher position than us, it doesn’t make them a better human being than we are.

What makes us good human beings it to have love and compassion for others and to have good intentions. It is to have leadership capabilities without looking down on anyone. It is to have honesty and integrity even when no one is looking and it is also to be a faithful mate and a strong but fair parent and a person who is open to the curiosities of the world.

And, when we know that we have our own internal power, we want to share it with our children. We want to help make them powerful and strong for their own success and happiness in life. This doesn’t mean that they should be self-righteous and feel entitled to everything they want. But it does mean that we should not teach our children to be “obedient”. Obedience may temporarily create a false calmness in our families, but it also makes our children feel powerless. We as parents do need to let them make their own judgments and to sometimes let them stand up to our authority. We need to let their opinions be heard and to also let them change our mind at times when they know they are right and we are wrong. We also need to allow them to go through their own struggles and to solve their problems by themselves, most of the time. This will help make them stronger adults who have self-confidence, who are good decision-makers, leaders and organizers who have the ability to weather the adversities in life.

Ways to Empower Ourselves

~ Identify Internal vs. External power. If you have an internal or authentic power, you believe your actions, thoughts, and attitude usually control your destiny. You think that if you can imagine it, you can achieve it. You feel you control your fate. If you have an external power, you believe your destiny is mostly controlled by external forces such as other people, money, luck or fate. You feel that whether you lose your job or make a brilliant decision depends on practically everything under the sun – except you. This attitude needs to change.

~ Identify A Goal. Ask yourself: What do I want? And keep listening until you hear a reply from within. Do I want a raise? Do I want people to treat me better? Do I want more motivation or organization or a calmer life?

~ Then ask Yourself: What Is Stopping Me From Getting What I Want? Be honest with yourself. Is it having mixed doubts, insecurity, feeling incapable, I don’t deserve it, or I don’t have the resources, or time, etc?

~ Deal With These Self-Doubts and internally visualize yourself achieving your goal. See, hear, feel, smell, and taste what it is like to achieve what you are after. Allow yourself to overcome these doubts by realizing that they are totally useless feelings and that they are only keeping you from getting what you want.

~ One Step At A Time. Don’t bite off more than you can chew, but make sure you do take a bite to get yourself started toward your goal. If it’s to start standing up to others, practice at home or with a trusted friend or family member. Create an attitude of determination, and speak with confidence. Be specific, focus clearly on what you really want or need, and ask for it. You can be polite, but still be firm. If your goal is to get organized, make lists of what needs to change, and implement them. Or, if you need to end a relationship, listen…and if your internal self tells you it’s the right thing to do, you will take action.

Realize… we can stand up for ourselves, we can make difficult decisions, get organized and improve our lives. Our sense of self, our relationships with others, our schedule and our happiness level will change at the rate of effort that only we put into it. And we can achieve the dreams that have been in our minds, for a very long time.

Now you know…YOU have the power.

“We must become the change we want to see.”   Mahatma Gandhi

For more excellent reading on the subject ~

Empowerment: The Art of Creating Your Life as You Want It, by David Gershon and Gail Straub
Tapping the Power Within: A Path to Self-Empowerment for Women, by Iyanla Vanzant
Self-Empowerment 101: Re-enchantment with our own capacity for empowering ourselves and others, by Rosie Kuhn